All About Drug Testing, including Innovative and Funny new Ways to Pass a Drug Test

What happened to Our Right to Peerivacy?

The drugs you did last night, last week and last New Year's Eve are all embedded in your urine, sweat, hair, saliva and blood. Not so long ago, when I was growing up, the body was a temple the law could not enter. The body and its secretions were holy. Unfortunately, scrupleless courts, modern society and bad science have since united to make drug testing a part of American life, giving rise to a multibillion-dollar a year industry that exists only because of the money that is being made by violating our privacy. 

Despite the Fourth Amendment's guarantee of a right to privacy, courts have granted increasingly broad authority for random drug testing, so what was unthinkable in America only a generation ago is now taken for granted.

"The number of employers conducting drug testing is in a long-term decline," Lewis Maltby, president of the National Workrights Institute, reports. "And most employers who do test, only test for preemployment."

Maltby presaents figures from American Management Association member surveys which clearly show a steadfast drop in private-sector drug screening, from a high of 81% in 1996 declining to 62% in 2004. Why the decline?

"Employers are beginning to realize that drug testing is not producing any improvement in the bottom line," Maltby is quoted saying. "Most employers who bought into drug testing did so because the government and the drug-test industry promised it would increase safety and productivity, and that promise was not kept."

However, as the declining numbers of economic realities eventually sink in among corporate America's managers, the US government continues to push drug testing as a magic-bullet, while pot smokers remain caught in the middle. Don't forget, marijuana is by far the most widely used illicit drug in America and thus the most detected substance by drug testing. Twenty-five million Americans smoked pot last year! Yes, 25,000,000 Americans smoked weed last year!  

Unfortunately for these pot heads, THC stays in the body much, much, much longer compared to other drugs. This make marijuana the ideal target for a drug-test market. In fact, there could never be a widespread drug-testing industry if marijuana were legal.

As always, stoners need to know the facts and stay on top of things, because its not a joke, you really can study for a drug test.

Although jokes and drug tests don't usually go together, we could all use a bit of a laugh now and then. So, here's the funny side of drug testing. Here are a few jokes about drug tests and drug testing you might get a laugh from. Enjoy.

Innovative Ways to Deal With a Random Drug Test (you have to do it in a cup in front of a witness.)

• Ask your observer if he wants to race.
• Wear a diaper.
• Urinate all over the outside of the cup, and then refuse to wash your hands with anything accept antibacterial soap.
• Inquire about a "take home cup."
• Get your privates stuck in your zipper.
• After four-and-a-half hours of holding it, pee so hard you knock the cup out of your hand.
• When the nurse asks you to witness the cup being empty, insist that you have to stick your finger in there to "check it out for yourself."
• When they call your name, walk to the counter looking really concerned. Calmly explain to the nurse that you haven't studied for this test, and want to know if there's any extra credit.
• Put some water in your boot before the test. When you get to the peeing part, take off your boot, pour it into the cup, and shamefully say that you just couldn't wait.
• Ask the observer to slap you on your rear-end a few times, just to get things going for you.
• Bring a drink umbrella for your cup.
• Since this person has probably seen a lot of people pee, ask him how you measure up.
• Before you start, self-check for hernias (turn, cough, etc...)
• Wear a condom. 

Urine Test

I and another man was taking a drug test for employment.

He relayed a true story to me of a man who once sought employment with him for another company.

This man was a drug user and needed to have some “pure” urine because he knew that his own would never pass the test.

He decided to get someone else to donate urine for him.

When the day came for him to submit his specimen, he carried his friend’s urine sample into the restroom with him in his pocket, and then submitted it in the place of his own.

A couple of days later, he received the following call from the lab: “Mr. Smith (substituted name), we have some good news for you. We have received the results of your test and your urine is pure; you are drug free and healthy. And by the way, you’re pregnant!”

– Jose Matthew, bestofalljokes.blogspot.com 

Too Many Rules

They got too many rules on the job. I used to work at this restaurant called Cracker Barrel. I was a dishwasher in the restaurant, and I was a good dishwasher, but they had too many rules. The supervisor called me in the office one day, and he’s like, ‘Rod, we need you to take a drug test.’ And I was like, ‘Whoa, I took a drug test to get the job.’ And he was like, ‘No, this is a random drug test.’ And I was like, ‘Well, hell, you better pick somebody else, damn it. This is not a good day to do me. Don’t get me wrong, I can pass the test. I just need to study.’

– from RodMan, Jokes.com

Well, that was the lighter side of drug testing. If you really want to know how to pass a drug test, you should check out my article, How to Confidently Beat a Drug Test, as I believe it to be the best, most thorough article on the subject anywhere. Not because I wrote it, but because I researched it, I've been drug tested and I have passed drug tests. And because I know what I put into this article, as well as what I continue to put into this article, as I will develop it regularly and indefinitely, as long as changes and improvements come along.

Who knows, this article could outlive me.

Written By: Tom Retterbush
Email: tomretterbush@gmail.com
Last Update: 3-23-2012

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New Study shows Facebook & Social Media can bring out Narcissistic Dark Side in some People

A recently published study has revealed the dark side of social media could be attracting certain narcissistic personality types.

If you have too many friends on sites like Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, the hot new Pinterest, or similar social networks, you could be a self-absorbed exhibitionist tending toward narcissism. 

Christopher Carpenter, a professor of communication at Western Illinois University, in his study “Narcissism on Facebook: Self-promotional and Anti-social Behavior,” suggests social media sites like Facebook offer a lot of opportunities for individuals to reveal their dark side, trying to self-promote and assuage wounded egos.

Facebook “offers a gateway for hundreds of shallow relationships and emotionally detached communication”, as does other social media shown in the study, Carpenter says.

He defines narcissism as “a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration and an exaggerated sense of self-importance.” 

Carpenter published his study in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, showing that people using social media sites with more self-esteem have fewer antisocial behaviors. The study also revealed that young people are becoming increasingly narcissistic, and obsessed with self-image and shallow friendships.

Social media users with narcissistic characteristics responded more aggressively to derogatory comments made about them on the social networking site's public walls, also changing their profile pictures more often.

Narcissistic behaviors

For most narcissists, Facebook "offers a gateway for hundreds of shallow relationships and emotionally detached communication," the professor continues. More importantly, social networking in general allows the user a great deal of control over how he or she is presented to and perceived by peers and other users.

Carpenter used surveys that measured self-promoting Facebook behaviors among 292 individuals for the study, using the narcissistic personality inventory (NPI), which includes the grandiose exhibitionism (GE) subscale and the entitlement or exploitativeness (EE) subscale to measure anti-social behavior. Of the respondents, seventy-five percent were college students.

The professor explaines the GE subscale includes vanity, superiority, exhibitionistic tendencies and self-absorption while EE encompasses a sense of deserving respect and a willingness to manipulate and take advantage of others.

The study showed exactly what Carpenter had hypothesized – GE behaviors on Facebook correlated with self-promotion and exhibitionism and exploitative tendencies on social media correlated with anti-social behaviors.

“If Facebook is to be a place where people go to repair their damaged ego and seek social support, it is vitally important to discover the potentially negative communication one might find on Facebook and the kinds of people likely to engage in them. Ideally, people will engage in pro-social Facebooking rather than anti-social me-booking”, Carpenter said.

The study showed grandiose exhibitionism correlated with self-promotion, entitlement and exploitativeness correlated with anti-social behaviors on Facebook and similar social sites. Self-esteem seems to be unrelated to self-promotion behavior. In fact, self-esteem was related to less of these anti-social behaviors.

More study is needed to understand that good, the bad and the ugly of social media, particularly how they contribute to aggressive and narcissistic behavior. This study is the first to show a direct correlation between social networking and any narcissistic personality disorder.

Thought the results of the research show that a recent study from the American Psychological Association showing young adults today are more materialistic and care little about the environment or politics than past generations was on target, it is still to early to draw a connection between the two studies.

"In general, the 'dark side' of Facebook requires more research in order to better understand Facebook's socially beneficial and harmful aspects in order to enhance the former and curtail the latter," Carpenter concluded. 

Social media has also been linked to addiction. Especially people who have had problems with alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling problems and the like have been found to be extremely susceptible to developing social media addiction. This may very well be associated with obsession, as most addicts have obsessive personalities and easily develop a compulsive preoccupation and fixation with social networking. This could be seen as an other dark side of social media. 

Even though social media has armed activists and reformed governments, it does have its downsides, so that its full implementations remain to be seen.

Written By: Tom Retterbush

Email: tomretterbush@gmail.com

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