My Story

Most people are too proud to list their shortcomings, faults and weaknesses for the whole world to see, but I am not most people.

Most people would be much to ashamed and humiliated to fess-up to all the horrible, stupid, selfish things they have done, but I don't care what anybody thinks of me. All that matters is what I think about myself.


We all have our skeletons. I am no different than anybody else.

That being said, I am living, breathing walking proof that anyone can get back up after hitting rock bottom. My new life is proof positive that anyone can recover from addiction and depression. As hopelessly lost as I was, I am a demonstration that anybody can change for the better. I have faith in you. So I bring hope to all you who are still suffering. This is my story...

I was born in 1961 on an American Air Force Base in Germany. My father was a United States Air Force fighter pilot, my mother a German national, so I was raised and spent much of my life in the small village my mother was from in Germany, near the Belgium and Dutch borders. And although our family moved around a lot, being stationed back and forth between American Air Force bases, we always ended up back in Germany.

Having witnessed first my Great grandmother, then my Grandmother, both get old only to suffer a stroke, whither away and die, I decided I wasn't going to get old and go out like that. I was going to live fast and die young. It's no wonder that, during my youth, Jim Morrison of the Door was my idol.

It was while attending an American Air Force Base High School in Germany that I first came in contact with drugs. At first it was only marijuana and hashish, but soon progressed to occasional LSD, amphetamines and prescription medications.

At age 21, in 1982, I joined the military.  After 15 months of service I had enough of military life and was honorably discharged upon my request.

I started going through life like a chicken with it's head cut off, trying to find myself as a want-to-be hippie on America's tropical beaches of Florida. But I soon tired of paradise as well, and moved back to Germany again. It was there that I came to discover heroin in the late 1980s.

Trying to support my habit, I started selling all kinds of drugs, from hashish, to methamphetamines, to cocaine to heroin, I was selling and using them all. It was during this time of madness that I met and married a German woman as crazy as me, becoming a father to a beautiful daughter soon thereafter.

Wanting and needing a change, I decided to make a break from it all and my wife and I moved to Cincinnati, Ohio, leaving our daughter with my sister-in-law. It was not long before our marriage turned sour, and although my wife and I stayed friends, we were soon living our separate lives.

Living alone in Cincinnati, I had a brief period where I was able to stay away from the hard drugs, only using and selling marijuana while driving a cab. But when I lost my taxi permit due to an accident and lack of insurance, I relapsed with flying colors, soon becoming more addicted to hard drugs than ever before.

Before I knew what was happening I was hopelessly hooked on heroin, cocaine and crack cocaine. At first, I was able to function to some extent, even managing the San Antonio office of a well-known, national veterans organization, joining a martial arts club, even dating. But living the life of an addict, my life spiraled out of control and I became the very person I despised; a lazy, irresponsible, junky, thief, fraud, liar, felon and con.

I was in and out of jails, spending 8 months in an Ohio prison, only to be released to do another 11 months in a prison in Texas. I ended up homeless and begging for money.

There came the day I could go on no longer. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had had enough. I was determined to make a change. And it was this determination that has been the deciding factor to my recovery and my New Life.

From one day to the next, I moved in with a non-using acquaintance I had just met. It was a small dump of a room in a shabby neighborhood, but it was across town from my so-called dope-using buddies. The key was that I didn't know anybody around there that had anything to do with drugs. And I wasn't looking... so I wasn't using...

It was during this first clean time that I found out I had clinical depression. In fact, it was later determined that I am manic-depressive, that is, bipolar. For the first time in my life I actually reached out to someone. I went to the Center for Health Care Services in San Antonio, Texas and told the admissions worker I needed help.

This government sponsored clinic helped change my life. They helped me with housing and financial assistance, providing counseling and referrals. They put me up in an apartment and helped me apply for federal assistance.

Today I am living a stable, legal and drug-free life! I have had complete mental, physical and dental checkups. I take only medications prescribed to me for anxiety, depression and high-cholesterol. I am in the process of getting my teeth (or lack thereof) fixed.

I have regained the will to live, purpose and self-esteem. I now have a really nice, really big pad. I get a small pension and I have a humble, home-base, online business. I belong to a martial arts club, work out, practice archery and play golf. I would like to someday do some extreme sports like parasailing, parashuting, waterskiing, etc., but for right now I have too little time or money to practice these. I have promised myself that I will someday. Someday soon.

I am founder and president of the San Antonio, Texas based nonprofit Disabled Veterans Association. I am in the process of launching an (this) addiction recovery Website, and hopefully will be able to launch another site helping those afflicted with anxiety and depression soon as well.

I am networking in hopes of starting archery, golf and survival clubs, as well as a computer recycling center, but much of all this grandeur is my manic side thinking, talking and writing for me. However, I will follow all of these hopes, plans and dreams as best I can... one day at a time.

For now, because of my experiences, and information and knowledge I gained because of these experiences, I am committed to helping those who are still suffering from any kind of addiction and/or mental illness. And because of my experiences as a veteran and watching the struggles of other veterans, I am committed to helping veterans in need of assistance, support, counseling and referrals in any way, shape or form I can.

All in all, to make a short story long, I have a new lease on life. And a new life, period. And I appreciate it to the point of living each day to the fullest, come whatever may. Oh, I still have my cycles of anxiety and depression. Even with medication these are unavoidable. However, today I know that these will pass and that the day will come when I feel better. That the day will come when life is good, exciting, even fun. That day is worth waiting for.

Life is good! Enjoy it!!!